Foods I DON'T LIKE. Thankyouverymuch.

Here are some foods I can think of that I don't like....

1. Olives. Except that one time when we had a lovely bloggy dinner partay and that tapenade was made. That was salty/garlic-y enough for me to enjoy a smidge. I've tried "fake" ones, "real" greek ones, supposedly "amazing" ones, every color....and still they are bleck.

2. Beans. I like green beans, thas IT. I ate fouul (middle eastern dish) for breakfast in Lebanon out of sheer politeness to jiddo (grandpa). It was spiced/garlic-y enough for me to get past the pastey taste of the beans.

3. Fish eggs on sushi. They POP like bubble wrap and it freaks me out.

4. Fruit / meat combo - like pineapple chicken. Can't quite put my finger on why I don't like this one.

5. Fruit / chocolate combo. Even chocolate covered strawberries are meh.

6. Radishes. They taste all burn-y.

7. Spicy foods. They taste all burn-y. I do try spicy Thai or Indian dishes, but haven't found a way to really enjoy the extreme heat.

8. Pie crust. I'll eat the middle and a graham crackery crust. That's just how I likes me pie.

9. Soy milk. I've tried them all and I can't find a way to like it. I wish I did because it would add some nutritional value without a lot of the milk calories.

10. Rice chex. In any given Chex mix they'll be the dark rice chex and I pick them out. Hmmm, also: I don't mind rice, but it's not huge with me.

The "In-my-world-this-would-be-a-crime" Crime

Today I had a huge raging headache that didn't go away after I tried to unsuccessfully drug it with caffeine (since I do get caffeine-withdrawal headaches) and ibuprofen. Before resorting to a trio sampler of hard liquor, hard drugs, and cement-block-to-the-head, I calmly suggested we eat out somewhere quick so I wouldn't have to cook. In my uninspired headache mode, I mumbled seafood and we ended up at the local joint. Menu sampler seen here

Fine. I order the lobster seafood roll in my uninspired mumbled state. I am presented with an ice-cream scoop size of premade lobster/seafood/mayo and a cold hard hoagie. Oh yeah, with some shit lettuce thrown on to make up for the lack of seafood-to-bun ratio. It is immediate that I notice the roll...Yes, I can SEE the lack of distinguishing toasty/grillage marks. I then feel how cold and UNTOASTY/GRILLY it is. I poke it with my fork and it sponges back to its unsofty untoasty state. I flip through the images in my brain and know the menu states "grilled hoagie" or some sort. I mentally go to a whiney-unhappy-non grilly-non toasty-state.

Ugh.

Of course it takes the waitress a good 3/4 of the way into my scoop of seafood to drag her happy ass over to our table to ask how things are. My life companion got the most delicious fish ever for a change and blurts out an enthusiastic "GREAT!" to the waitress... (I glare jealously) ... And I squeak out a meager "Actually..." I proceeded to demonstrate how falsely prepared the roll was and my complete dissatisfaction with their product.

Now, I know how uncomfortable it is as a waitress to be presented with an unhappy client. Some people don't even complain because of that precise moment when you feel like the complete asshole for bringing up stuff that isn't really their fault. HOWEVER, there are appropriate actions for any good waitress to take.

Step 1: Offer to replace bad portion of the food. This is the knee-jerk reaction to any complaint that a portion of the food is bad. I'm not disagreeing with this step, but in my situation it's just mind-boggling how I would suddenly want them to deliver a single bun on a plate 3/4 of the way into the meal.

Step 2+: Offer any way to compensate or make the customer happy. I guess my waitress couldn't conjure up anything else in her head to satisfy my unhappiness because she just said "Oh." after I declined her step 1 offer. Not good. Now I have to conjure up in my brain a scenario that doesn't make it sound like I'm pathetic for complaining. I blurt out, "Just go tell the cook and your manager not to serve this menu item like this..." Ugh, you know all I'm thinking INSIDE my head is:
- gimme a coupon
- gimme a drink
- gimme a dollah off sistah
- gimme item for free
- gimme, gimme, gimme.

Nope, I instead witness her go tell her manager. "Cool" methinks. Wrong. I think I mouth-read those mofos taking my complaint sarcastically. There was no grovelling back to our table by any manager. They probably took my picture and will have the cooks spit in my food next time I'm there.

While you all probably think I'm thinking the crime lay in lack of customer service, I'm actually still thinking about that damn hoagie roll. You just don't serve any type of seafood roll on a dry cold bun. Crime committed. Judge Sfoofie rules 22 months of community service feeding old bread to birds.

Whoa. Sage, this is a fun one!

The ones in Bold I have tried..... I'm like her too: Just because I have tried this food it doesn't mean I like it. I will also italicize the gross ones.
This is my opinion so if you disagree, comment away. That's what the comments are for!

Venison
Nettle tea
Huevos rancheros
Steak tartare
Crocodile
Black pudding
Cheese fondue
Carp
Borscht
Baba ghanoush
Calamari
Pho
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Aloo gobi
Hot dog from a street cart
Epoisses
Black truffle
Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (ain't nothin like ho-made blackberry wine)
Steamed pork buns
Pistachio ice cream
Heirloom tomatoes
Fresh wild berries
Foie gras
Rice and beans (rice and beans are some of my least favorite things ever)
Brawn or head cheese
Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
Dulce de leche
Oysters
Baklava
Bagna cauda
Wasabi peas
Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
Salted lassi
Sauerkraut (although I don't hate cabbage as much as my mother, I think sauerkraut is gross)
Root beer float
Cognac with a fat cigar
Clotted cream tea
Vodka jelly
Gumbo
Oxtail
Curried goat
Whole insects
Phaal
Goat’s milk
Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
Fugu
Chicken tikka masala
Eel
Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
Sea urchin
Prickly pear
Umeboshi
Abalone
Paneer
McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
Spaetzle
Dirty gin martini
Beer above 8% ABV
Poutine
Carob chips
S’mores
Sweetbreads
Kaolin
Currywurst
Durian
Frogs’ legs
Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
Haggis
Fried plantain
Chitterlings or andouillette
Gazpacho
Caviar and blini
Louche absinthe
Gjetost, or brunost
Roadkill (does it count if I know someone who would eat roadkill?)
Baijiu
Hostess Fruit Pie
Snail
Lapsang souchong
Bellini
Tom yum
Eggs Benedict
Pocky
Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
Kobe beef
Hare
Goulash
Flowers
Horse
Criollo chocolate
Spam
Soft shell crab
Rose harissa
Catfish
Mole poblano
Bagel and lox
Lobster Thermidor
Polenta
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
Snake

Delicious Salad

Toss together:
Romaine lettuce
Apple chunks
Toasted Pecans
Raspberry Vinaigrette
Montrachet cheese*
(*ok, so the montrachet cheese at the store was extremely expensive and only came in a ridiculously huge size which I would never use up in 8 years, so I decided to use light cream cheese chunks and they actually tasted fine.)

Simple and delicious. I even got doubter mcdoubtpants to enjoy it.

Polish Sausage!

I'm going to throw in some disclaimers, a shout-out, and a short insight about me.

1) I do better when I just list out thoughts in list-form than true recappage. So, I'm going to list thoughts out below about last night's Top Chef episode
2) I really wasn't going to blog every week about Top Chef until Bethy went and had to tell me that she's "looking forward to my recap" last night when we were taling on the phone. That's a lot of pressure Bethy! oof oof! I promise I'm going to do one more full-on recap blog at a later point.
3) (and almost most importantly) I'll leave the recapping to the pros...

I'm really pretty new to cooking and knowing about good food. Through the wonderful influences of my foreign husband, dinners at the Johnsons, installments of baking with mums, watching the Food Network, and reading blogs (like Lorraine's!) I've really started on a journey of cooking. I'm not good, but I have a desire to cook really good food for a husband with a really excellent taste for food. He's not snooty about anything (hello, the boy loves him some spam. ew.), but he's grown up the Lebanese way: amazing female cooks that work hard, spoil him, and have the best mediterranean ingredients all on hand. That's a lot of pressure (!!), yes, but it has been ENJOYABLE pressure. The most important ingredient for cooking for me is the desire. I desire to have a good/healthy diet, cook really good food, and really make an effort to work on it. It helps when you have a friends like Bethy. It doesn't help when you have past failures.
I'm not really too good at baking. My brownies turn into gross dry cakes or rocks. I can't remember how many scoops of things I put into batters. It's just not pretty. My cookies turn out well, so at least I have a fall-back recipe I can always make. (Until it snows, I'm trapped, and cannot go get milk for icing!!!! grrr!) My mom and grandma are the bakers, so I actually grew up baking more than experimenting with cooking.

My baking anecdote leads into Top Chef this week.

The quickfire is to make an impressive dessert. The chefs freak and I get angry. HI! You are going on a cooking show called "Top Chef"! If you don't brush up on some things that you will encounter on the show, you are just screwing yourself!

- Richard really is a force to be reckoned with.
- Even though Richard fell into my category of "stupidity" for not practicing a dessert before going on the show, his creativity pulls through. I still think it's weak that he just cut bananas to look like scallops. How is that baking? How is this pastry? How does this win the quickfire?
- I still like Dale even though a lot of people don't out in blog world
- Lisa was all "telling herself" ridiculous things about "never making pastry" and "sticking by that." She's basically just saying, "Hey, Top Chef! Go F' yourselves!" (which she likes to say. a lot.)

(( Perches on soapbox: Again, I get angry. It's not like they pull these people off the streets and deposit them into the Top Chef kitchens. Wouldn't you want an advantage and do everything in your power to be the BESTEST and DOMINATE?? And, no, having a molten chocolate cake recipe memorized doesn't count (was this Spike?). I'd be bustin up some mean petit somethins, researching restaurant openings, blind tasting, using (and breaking) lil smokers, researching spices, learning to toss large croutons from dishes, learning to cook with 2 ingredients, etc. Gah. /end soapbox ))

- I think it is HILARIOUS that Jen predicted her own "packing of knives" and got eliminated for having a dumb piece of bread on her plate. They did the demo of how to eat their asparagus, so I didn't see the need for making a phallic plate of food. So much for "winning this for Zoi"
- The improv happened and the audience yelled "Polish Sausage." Antonia and Lisa then thought they had to "improv" further. No. Your job was to use the audience's improv. I think Lisa should have been eliminated... well, I WAS still bitter about her quickfire comments.
- I wondered what "salted basil ganache" tastes like
- Awwww, Spike got to do his soup. How precious. Now go home. (actually, he's gotta be out of recipes/ridiculous hats by now. Vietnemese spring rolls, check. Soup, check. Yep, he's done)
- Mark was really weird with Spike again this week. I swear something went on in the bathtub. Ew.... but didn't you pick up on it too?!
- Chilean Sea Bass must be on sale at Whole Foods a lot. It's been featured too much.
- The judges were correct: if you serve a dish and call it a "ménage a tois" it better stick to THREE ingredients. TOIS. No more.
- HAHA, unnecessary bread is many a top chef's downfall.
- The tequila shot by Lisa and Antonia was AWKWARD when they didn't have any for the guests. I repeat, AWKWARD!
- ANDREW! FOCUS! put down your sugar. stop hopping up and down.

Overall, I liked this episode. Not too much bitching and no fighting and only about two swears from Lisa (50 cents into the cookie jar bitch!).

See a much funnier/more official recap HERE

simple Tuesday menu

I don't have anything to really write about, so I'm going to share tonight's menu. I'm having my college roomate over for dinner and I'm just really going to keep it simple. KISS philosophy all the way!


* Tomato Basil "chop block" bread

* Plain salad - nothing fancy.

* Meatball white lasagna...
...something I'm making up. I was going to make chicken or shrimp lasagna, but the dinner guest only eats red meat and picked Italian from the choices I gave her.

* Roasted Asparagus

* Fresh pineapple

* Lemon Bars


I think I'm bored by the menu. We'll see if it shifts throughout the day~!

Yum

Tonight's dinner

Appetizer
* Garlic-brushed pita bread with melted cheese on top (think Arabic garlic bread!)
* olives

Main Course
* Grilled Kafta (think Arabic Hamburger)
* Cucumber yogurt sauce and tomatoes on the side
* Oven potatoes w/ tahini sauce

Dessert
* Angelfood cake w/ fresh strawberries & whipped cream


Aaaand it is SNOWING here, so I'm just going to use my indoor "griddler" grill plates. meh. I'm glad I bought some flowers to spruce up my mood or there would be a lot more "meh" to my day.

The trendz. I notize.

1) We dine out frequently
2) I watch Food network ALL the time
3) I watch Top Chef on Bravo (and every Top Chef off-season specials. w00t!)

Given the above three, I've started noticing certain food trends. I'm amused so I will share here.

CAVATAPPI pasta.

Seriously this pasta must have people who know people who pay people to off people and BOOM cavatappi all up in this joint. There is nothing wrong with this pasta (take note above mentioned "people"). In fact, tonight I did enjoy a delicious bowl of seafood alfredo on cavatappi (here) It's just amazing how it is EVERYWHERE so suddenly. Where the crap was this pasta before? Did people suddenly take delight in learning Cavatappi means "corkscrews" in Italian? *shakes head in bewilderment* For now, you do not search for Cavatappi, Cavatappi will find you. It's got people.


WHITE TRUFFLE. (I should have posted what they really look like!) This shit is the crack fairy dust of happiness to every meal apparently (and your hair??!?!?) White truffle oil, shavings, sprinkles, etc make an appearance in almost every competition and snootyish food establishment. You wouldn't think it would impress after awhile. How good can white truffle taste paired with something like a water chestnut. Chefs just gotta draw the line somewhere.... (hmmm... wondering what white truffle PB & J sandwiches would taste like? ) My only question is, "why's it always gotta be 'bout color"?


CILANTRO
I feel like cilantro is the trend-herb of the moment. mmmmmm... I really enjoy cilantro. Some people think it tastes like tin, but they clearly are 2 margaritas shy of where I'm at. Cilantro can make the worst hole in the city all fresh-faced and glorious with one sprig.





_

*** Seriously sidetrack with me for a moment (wait, you don't have a choice. HAHA). There is a hole of an establishment just up the street from my work. This place is awful. I don't think they could even steal the cilantro from the rats to serve it. The food is on paper plates, the nasiest salsa is from greasy squeeze bottles, sour cream is served in packets ((WTF!)), the meat has small children in it, and the chips are clearly stolen from some homeless shanty world. One meal. 2 bites. No thank you. Finally, there are the stuffed bunnies / stuffed bunny heads nail gunned to the wall. Frightening. They must have been dragged from the sewers of Tijuana.

The ONLY saving grace is, of course, the margaritas. Served in pitchers. *get excited with me* NO ICE. no ice! hellz yeah. Ice must be too 'spensive but the tequila FREEEEEEEE FLOWING. wheeeee.

ANYWAY, without fail, if I mention to someone the street where I work, they'll start getting all excited and go ON AND ON about this awful place. People from all over this forsaken country. without fail. *shakes head*

I'll paste a review here: "I love the chopped steak tacos, tostadas, margaritas, refried beans, rice, etc.... Sure the atmosphere may not be the greatest, but you can't eat atmosphere can you? Who cares if you eat off of paper plates? That is part of the charm of this establishment. I have been there several times and have never had a bad meal yet. You definitely need to try this place out for yourself, rather than rely on the negative reviews of others."

What did he experience?! I wanna know. I wanna know what all these ravers ate to get them all into girlish tizzies.

Ugh. Please rely on my negative review. Stick to the pitchers of margaritas. Ignore the creepy bunnies nailed to the wall if they start talking you. Mumble something about no ice. They'll go away.

end sidetrack

Finally, only because:
1) It's funny
2) I have more trends, but now I'm kinda tired out from my sidetrack blog

I give you ....

BOBBY FLAY BLUE CORN
Blue corn would like to give a shout out to The Flay for extending the contract, the illicit love affair, the long and legendary career it now has, smoking in the boys room, and the pet llama. Bobby "I really do suck at the throwdowns" Flay would like to thank blue corn for, well, providing the world with a sprinkle of amusement. Bobby Flay tries to make blue corn a foodie trend, but fails. Try the homeless shanty technique Flay, it might make the world more excited about you...


Yeah, I'm tired. Stay tuned for more foodie trend goodness. I hope I don't get sidetracked