Lostie freak

Not sure if anyone else watches Lost, but this recappy list was unbelievably HILARIOUS:

Let's begin with a quick refresher on "How to Get Your Ass Back to the Island":

* Step 1: Have Mrs. Hawking show you her super-retro subterranean Dharma station (I'm pretty sure the Lamp Post is our first confirmed off-island Dharma hub). Inside, her phalanx of 128k mainframes are crunching up-to-the-second latitude and longitude figures so the island's next location can be determined (it can also track Margaritaville). It's nearly impossible to find the island's current location because that jumpy little land mass is in constant motion, but thanks to electromagnetic pockets, fuzzy math and a giant pendulum, Mrs. Hawking and her trusty TRS-80s can pinpoint the island's next location.

* Step 2: Get the band back together. The island is anal about return visits, so it's important you re-create the details from your maiden trip. This means rounding up the old crew -- Jack, Kate, Sun, Hurley, Sayid, Dead Locke; with Ben, Frank Lapidus and a few newbies thrown in for extra flavor -- and booking a flight with a specific trajectory (Ajira Airways flight 316, Los Angeles to Guam, should do the trick).

Important Travel Advisory: Sloppiness and oversights -- like neglecting to bring the kid who was born on the island -- can lead to "unpredictable" results.

* Step 3: Proxify the dead guy. Since your dead daddy was socked away in Oceanic 815's cargo hold during Trip No. 1, you're going to need to adorn your new dead guy (Locke) with something once owned by the old dead guy (Dr. Christian Shephard). I'm not entirely sure why dead guys need to share clothes, but that's the rule and we're sticking to it.

* Step 4: Go first class. Coach passengers tend to get sucked from cracked fuselages or become inevitable casualties during mercenary attacks and flaming-arrow battles. Be safe. Live large.

* Step 5: If someone gives you a suicide note, read the friggin' thing.

* Step 6: Enjoy the trip and holla at your boy Jacob when you arrive.