Almost unbelievable*.

(( *Until you remember you worked 305 hours of overtime last year. ))

Today was horrible and awful. My work treated me like their work mule for the day. PILED work on my desk, put me on phones, sent flaming DO RIGHT NOW emails, and overall gave me NO time to close up on things. I was there until 5:30 and only getting paid until 4:15. Crying.

Then I get to a restaurant to go out for dinner and my cell phone rings - I look and it's my boss' number. *sigh* I answer. (why why why why why why why why why. oh why do I torture myself?) Oh yes, in the midst of ME LEAVING THE JOB, I honestly forgot to pile on the added task of checking all the night voicemails for the different phone lines. (this month the task was assigned to Mary - in Mary's absence I'm the backup) No, they weren't cruel enough to really lay the guilt in, but it was just a little icing on my cupcake of a day.

You may all think I'm just straight-up crazytown for crying and feeling horrible, but I can't help it I genuinely care about excellence in this job. I really wanted to end on positive hardworking note. In a sane and sensible way. When it all came about today to frack with my plan, inner drive, and ambition I'm on some emotional rollercoaster for the day.

I still have work I have to put a close to on Monday. Hell, people were transferring calls to my voicemail box at 4:30 on my "last" day of work. The last day ending at 4:15. The voicemail that says you've reached an INVALID voicemail box for me.

I'm usually one to get it ranted out to my bubs and other people and calm myself down. As I'm writing this post though, I'm still getting myself worked up over today. You don't have to comment - I KNOW it will all be over and I shouldn't care....But I do. And it sucks.

You give an ounce of help and get a baseball-bat-to-the-head of pain. Ow.

really depressing. i know.

surprisingly, i hate starting new blogs with drear. i could talk for days on my blessings. i just can't help this is how this blog birthday has started.

i cry when i think about calling the ones i love the most.... i know it will be endless outpouring of how much of every day i end up hating. i'm sure they are plenty sick of it. i cry because this should be such a great time. i cry because i hate how they've made me hate my once-loved job. the job. the job. the craptastical heap of a job. from the first call i feel this innate anger. anger that i want to provide the very best for that agent, their client, the company and all i get is stressed. i feel my brain crunching and crazed. i hate it. i forget all the mantras i've fashioned in my brain during the commute. i snap instantly to a dark place instead of being the good person i always want to be.

i'm really really confused with direction right now ... this really fraks and confuzzes up large issues

i want to stay and make it better, but that possibility seems capital CRAZY.

the tiniest bit of me takes my weary weepy eyes to read a page of the oldest-fashioned comfort i can find.... thank you to whomever wrote those words of comfort long long long ago. Lord, help me through tomorrow.